As we grow older, I guess some things don’t matter as much as it mattered years before. This is quite true for me when it comes to the issue of coming out. I could say that I am ready, to be out there in the open and to be who I am. Unlike in my early years as lesbian, I always felt alone and scared of what other people might think when they will find out. The so many fears, the what ifs, the possibility of being ostracized, the list goes on and on. It took a whole lot of courage to keep my sanity through out those years. Finally, the long grueling years have taken its toll. I don’t want to spend the remaining years of my life living in the closet. There is no room anymore for unhappiness, self-pity and all those horrible emotions that being in the closet entails.
I want to be free. Making up stories of a non-existing relationship with a man during awkward social encounters with straight friends was beyond detestable, and I don’t want to do it anymore. The fact that lying is a horrible sin, it is more unforgiving to deprive oneself of freedom and happiness. No more lies and secrets. I know that it isn’t often an easy breezy ride to where I am going however, it is much better than being scared and unhappy forever.
To me, beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It’s about knowing and accepting who you are. – Ellen Degeneres
In this age, it is much more different in a good way. Most people are more accepting. In fact, despite the church’s opposition to the growing LGBT shows in the mainstream media, it still continues to be unweathered like the show, “My Husband’s Lover”, which became one of the country’s household names. Not only that most people are more accepting but also many people have already come out. Openly LGBT role models in the likes of Geena Rocero, Charice Pempengco, Danton Remoto and many more that we could look up to. I could say that it is much better now and we owe it to all those movers and shakers who were so brave to shatter the norms.
Nobody is alone in this fight for equality and acceptance. These words may not have meant anything to me before, however it is way different now. I am ready to have a stand in life as a proud lesbian. There is nothing much fulfilling than to be comfortable with one’s own skin. Also, there is no timeline in coming to terms with one’s self. It will happen, in the most unexpected moment. Believe me.
(Good riddance! Why did it take me an awful a lot of years to be this courageous in being proud and out?)