Harry Potter Fanfiction Makes Dumbledore Straight

Harry Potter Fanfiction Makes Dumbledore Straight

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Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles was supposedly written by an Evangelical mother hoping to create a more “family friendly” version of the Harry Potter series for her children to read.  According to the author’s note at the top of the story on Fanfiction.net, author Grace Ann, or Proudhousewife, claims that she wrote the fanfiction story when her children asked to read the Harry Potter books “I’m happy for them to be reading,” she writes, “but I don’t want them turning into witches!”

The fanfiction story makes several changes, replacing all references to magic with prayer, making our feminist heroine Hermione into a blushing, helpless little creature, and removing all traces of Albus Dumbledore’s implicit homosexuality.

It’s unclear whether the fanfiction is meant to be taken seriously.  Many people are upset by the allegations that the themes in the original series are not family-friendly, but I believe this piece to be a parody of Christianity and Conservative values because the language is so over the top and stereotype-dense that I think it’s a clear work of satire.

Here is an excerpt from  the moment before Harry leaves for this strange reimagining of Hogwarts:

“No, Aunt Petunia,” he uttered calmly with childlike wisdom. “Evolution is not real. And I am going to Hogwarts.”

“No, no, Harry,” Aunt Petunia screeched desperately. “I have an idea. You can have a second birthday today. You like birthdays, right?”

“Birthdays are not of God,” Harry verbalized knowingly; and looked at his aunt with an innocent wisdom. “You tried to corrupt me; but it did not work. But I forgive you, Aunt Petunia; because of Luke 23:34.”

Harry’s mentor whose former relationship with another male character is only very subtly implied in the original books but has been substantiated by the author’s compulsion to clarify her intentions, is a Reverend in this version.  He is happily married to Minerva McGonagall and for some reason he is also Hermione’s father.  Both of these women are very unlike the brave, powerful, intelligent women of the book series, and are instead domesticated and overly concerned with appearances.

Though I strongly believe that this fanfiction was written entirely in jest and that Grace Ann is merely a pseudonym for some giggling Liberal somewhere, there are many who are very disturbed by its contents.  Regardless of the piece’s intentions, though, it is absolutely hilarious.  It’s almost impossible to be offended by something so absurd even if it were intended to be taken seriously.

You can read the full story here: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/10644439/1/

Hi! I am an English major at Fontbonne University in Saint Louis, Mo. I am a compulsive page-turner, avid cartoon-watcher, social media addict, and princessaholic, but I'm also bisexual, a feminist, a romantic, and my mother describes me as a walking paradox. Find me on Twitter at @Amandeeter or follow my school newspaper @GriffinRoar

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