Change – verb. to make or become different or to exchange one thing or another thing.
It is a big word for me that could hardly be fathomed. I guess I am a little bit resistant to change which pushes me to be curled into my own little rainbow shell. However, a series of events just unfolded unexpectedly and recently – which made me slightly dumbfounded. I began to wonder, is this life I am leading now real? or pretty much surreal? I guess that gives me an impression that my life could be a paradox. I just simply contradicts myself, and constantly doing it. I’ve been wanting change but I am resistant to change. Sometimes, I ponder if I am just over thinking things or I am simply insane?
I am quite torn between serenity and chaos, sanity and insanity, good and evil or I guess that makes my life bland – no taste, nothing. But now, my life is gradually changing which leaves me slightly afraid for the unknown to happen. The good side of such change is that I somehow experience overwhelming emotions which is a rare occurrence for me. But then again, I am grateful for this – the change that is happening. I just hope that I am going into the right direction because I tend to be gullible at times.
Whichever way I am going to, I will never have regrets. I will learn every piece of lesson along the way. What matters most is that I know I am changing for the better based on whatever rationalities I am imposing in every step of it. Right now, I just want to let things marinate for awhile and stop thinking for heaven’s sake. I just want my mind to be blank for once. Just once please.